the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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