to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
