I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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