i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
