I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
