Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love you. Go after that dick
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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