whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
