I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
this is an emotional support booty call
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
