So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
