you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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