There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You smell like stripper and shame
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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