I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
