i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
