When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
