dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
