you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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