I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
