last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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