she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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