I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
