Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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