letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
