Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
