if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
