We named our party play list daddy issues
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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