Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
