what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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