break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize