I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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