Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
