singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
