He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
