Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
