Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
