Pappa wants mamma naked
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
