and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Green mimosas i think yes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
