His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
