I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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