shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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