yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
