Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
