I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
