i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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