I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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