Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
