do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
