i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
