Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
