sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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