They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
