I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
