what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
4 words: hood of his car
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
