Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
