Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
