What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
