I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
