Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
