I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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