i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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