"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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