I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
